I got caught up this morning in a challenge based on this XKCD strip, the famous "Up-Goer Five". If that doesn't ring a bell, have a look - it's an attempt to describe a Saturn V rocket while using only the most common 1000 words in English. You find, when you do that, that some of the words you really want to be able to use are not on the list - in the case of the Saturn V, "rocket" is probably the first obstacle of that sort you run into, thus "Up-Goer".
So I noticed on Twitter that people are trying to describe their own work using the same vocabulary list, and I thought I'd give it a try. (Here's a handy text editor that will tell you when you've stepped off the path). I quickly found that "lab", "chemical", "test", and "medicine" are not on the list, so there was enough of a challenge to keep me entertained. Here, then, is drug discovery and development, using the simple word list:
I find things that people take to get better when they are sick. These are hard to make, and take a lot of time and money. When we have a new idea, most of them don't actually work, because we don't know everything we need to about how people get sick in the first place. It's like trying to fix something huge, in the dark, without a book to help.
So we have to try over and over, and we often get surprised by what happens. We build our new stuff by making its parts bigger or smaller, or we join a new piece to one end, or we change one part out for another to see if it works better. Some of our new things are not strong enough. Others break down too fast or stay in the body too long, and some would do too many other things to the people who take them (and maybe even make them more sick than they were). To try to fix all of these at the same time is not easy, of course. When we think we've found one, it has to get past all of those problems, and then we have to be able to make a lot of it exactly the same way every time so that we can go to the next part.
And that part is where most of the money and time come in. First, we try our best idea out on a small animal to make sure that it works like we think it will. Only after that we can ask people to take it. First people who are not sick try it, just to make sure, then a few sick ones, then a lot of sick ones of many types. Then, if it still works, we take all our numbers and ask if it is all right to let everyone who is sick buy our new stuff, and to let a doctor tell them to take it.
If they say yes, we have to do well with it as fast as we can, which doesn't always work out, either. That's because there can still be a problem even after all that work. Even if there isn't, after some time (more than a year or two) someone else can let these people buy it, too, and for less. While all that is going on, we are back trying to find another new one before this one runs out, and we had better.
Not everyone likes us. Our stuff can be a lot of money for people. It may not work as well as someone wants it to, or they may not like how we talk with their doctor (and they may have a point there). Even so, many people have no idea of what we do, how hard it is, or how long it can take. But no one has got any other way to do it, at least not yet!
There, that's fairly accurate, and it even manages to sound like me in some parts. Pity there's no Latin on the list, though.
Update: here are some more people describing their work, in the comments over at Just Like Cooking. And I should note that someone has already remarked to me that "This is an explanation that even Marcia Angell could understand".