Derek Lowe, an Arkansan by birth, got his BA from Hendrix College and his PhD in organic chemistry from Duke before spending time in Germany on a Humboldt Fellowship on his post-doc. He's worked for several major pharmaceutical companies since 1989 on drug discovery projects against schizophrenia, Alzheimer's, diabetes, osteoporosis and other diseases.
To contact Derek email him directly: firstname.lastname@example.org
You chemists may have really stretched things to get a reaction to work, but here's a good set of "Conditions You'll Probably Never Be Desperate Enough to Try". Bone meal? Ground carrots? I think he has a point.